Advice from Men to Women

# If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?

# If we’re in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn’t mean we’re not watching it.

# Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

# Don’t feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We’re just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

# When the waiter asks if everything’s okay, a simple ‘Yes’ is fine.

# What do you mean, ‘leering?’ She’s obstructing my view.

# When I’m turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying ‘Oh, this is our exit, Honey’ is not really necessary.

# When you’re not around, I belch so loudly that I even appall myself.

# The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.

# SportsCenter starts at 10:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister.

# Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?

# You probably don’t want to know what we’re thinking about.