talking to this girls

I’ve been talking to this girls on, we chatted online for months, she mailed me extra pictures and she looked pretty attractive. So you know I was looking forward to meeting her, but man it was crazy. When I arrived at the restaurant where we were supposed to meet, she was about 15 pounds heavier and looked a lot older than in her pictures (which she ‘forgot’ to mention). I was like whatever let’s get this dinner over with(in my head). Then the real crazy part. Towards the end of the dinner, this guy walked up to our table and introduced herself as his husband. I was like WTF. I nearly choked! He smiled at me and sat down. They then tell me they are swingers, and were looking for new partners. I just laughed got up and left.

Money hungry girls will love this site

Check out this site I found, it’s a site that only has men that make over $100k a year. If I was a girl I’d sign up for this, the guys are pretty much saying yeah I have money and I’m looking for girls who only want me for my money ;). The site is Sugar Daddy Passion


Carrie suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she’s overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, “Honey, don’t do it…” Carrie yells back, “Shut up! You’re next!

Cold Hands

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. After bringing in all the luggage, the guy says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!”

She says “Well put them between my legs and I will warm them up.”

Later he goes out to catch a few fish for lunch and comes back and says again, “Man! My hands are really freezing!”

She says again, “Well put them between my legs and I’ll warm them up.” He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says,”Honey, my hands are really freezing!”

She (smiles) and says, “Darn Honey, don’t your EARS ever get cold?”

Funny Pickup Lines

Is that the sun coming up… or is that just you lighting up my world?

Let’s make like a fabric softener and snuggle.

Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.

Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!

Hi, have you got a boyfriend? (if no,) Are you taking applications?

My love for you is like the universe…neverending!!

If someone was to write a story about my life, the climax would be when I met you!

I tripped on a kiss and fell in love with you.

That outfit is horrible take it off right now!!!

Funny Joke

A man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious. The man proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a babys. He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn’t matter to him. He also told her that his penis was also like a baby. She said that she loved him and size didn’t matter.

Come the day of the wedding and all went well. That night the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort hotel. The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in the bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby.

“Don’t worry honey” he said. She took her night gown off and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen. He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby.

As he took his pants off the new bride said, “Good God All Mighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby” “It is,” he said, “9 pounds and 21 inches long!

eHarmony is crazy

I was about to sign up to eHarmony, I was 10 minutes into filling out there forms and still wasn’t close to finishing, and I said forget this, I don’t have the patients for all these personality questions. Just let me get a username and password and let me email some girls damn it.

Colombian Women has some hot latinas looking for marriage. Maybe I should just get a mail order wife, my apartment is a mess, I need someone to help cook and clean 😉